Filed under: family first, fear and loathing, perfectly impossible, sporty spice | Tags: childhood, generation gap, past, self esteem, soccer, teenagers, writing
i journal a lot now. (and by a lot, i mean way more than i blog.) nearly every entry references how much “i just love to write, but i never do it!” or how “awesome it feels to just free write!”
i don’t want to do that now.
let’s talk about the future of innovation.
(just kidding. no one wants to read about that.)
let’s talk about teenage girls.
(not so much with the kidding, although that came across super creepy.)
i have a beautiful, smart and talented 14-year-old niece. (I also have beautiful, smart and talented 12- and 9-year-old nieces, but their stories are for another time.) she, since the day she was born, has been a little emotional. she cries at the drop of a hat, and she cares about everyone’s feelings a little more than she should. she also is only truly happy and confident in herself when she’s running up and down the soccer field, cheering and kicking butt alongside her teammates.
she tried out for her high school freshman soccer team today… and she did not make the cut.
about 13-some-odd years ago, i knew another little emotional girl who went through the exact same rejection period. and she was a wreck for weeks, and her self-esteem dropped for years. today, she’s fine. she’s accepted that minor setback and moved so far on from it that no one would guess that scar was still faintly intact on her ego.
teenage me is alive and well, buried under this calm, cool and very cynical exterior of mine. she comes out to play when we’re alone in my car and alanis morrisette comes on the radio. she stares cruelly and critically every morning in the mirror. and she particularly seeps into my writing after a beer or two and tells me i should be upset about the past. but honestly, i just don’t care what teenage me has to say anymore. i’ve grown past those insecurities, and i genuinely believe that i’m better off because of my failures.
but how do i tell today’s little girl that it will all work out in the end? how do i put into simple terms, with current pop cultural references, that she won’t always be the best at what she thinks she should be the best? and that she will learn to be happy and confident in ways she doesn’t even realize yet? and that, although screaming girl-power anthems can be a fun way to pass the time in your car, she will not always hate the people who try to hold her back?
i guess the moral of the story is, the only way we can truly understand today’s youth is by remembering our own painful and not-so-pretty pasts.
Filed under: 24 words, bestest friends, journalicious | Tags: entertainment, journalism, memoirs, novel, writing
you’ve always managed to spin your never-ending misfortunes into entertainment for others. i know i’ll be reading your hilarious and heartfelt memoirs someday soon.
Filed under: 24 words, journalicious | Tags: blog, carrie bradshaw, journalism, sex and the city, writing
your writing has been so inspiring to me these last few years — carrie bradshaw has nothin’ on you.
my heart is with you today.
Filed under: fear and loathing, perfectly impossible, the cat's meow | Tags: cat, change, diary, east coast, experience, happiness, journal, relocation, writing
i had a good friend contact me today, concerned that whenever he heard from me, i seemed somewhat less-than-pleased with life, and that he sensed “the slightest twinge of regret” about my decision to jump ship and move across the country. the east-coast loving half of my psyche cringed….
it’s definitely time i explain myself.
i write when i’m upset. i write when i’m confused. i write when i really need to unleash my thoughts, as wild and erratic as they may be. i rarely write when i’m content and happy with the day-to-day events in my life. sadly, this means i write e-mails, letters, blog posts, thank you cards, graduation speeches, lullabies, etc., when i’m not completely 100 percent. and if you know me really well, you know i’m not one to keep things to myself. so, again — i unleash my problems to the world.
i don’t wanna be that girl. the whiny, bitchy, silently fuming snob standing in the corner, writing her own obituary while everyone else peacefully moves on with their day. And honestly, i’m not that girl. but sometimes, i really can’t hide my emotions. and when i can’t, i vent via paper/electronic submission form. once upon a time, it was just my diary (and my mother who secretly read my diary) who saw my inner demons. now, because it’s 2007 when everyone and their dad has a blog, all of my lucky readers get to see me for who i really am.
so i’m gonna lay it out there just this once — i am so glad i moved out here. the area, the people, the cat i adopted, the experience — all of it has helped me figure out what i truly want out of life (cheeeeeesy… sorry). but yes, there are times i doubt myself. i will never regret the choices i’ve made, and i refuse to let these choices define me (except for the decisions that make me happy!), but i will unfortunately show moments of weakness.
and i will show them here.