Flipflops in the Rain


i need more sparkle in my life

the gaga concert was fantastic. and sequiny. it made me want to drop everything and become a fun-loving, international pop star. except i lack the necessary singing/dancing/entertaining skills and the interesting yet tragic back story. so maybe i’ll just drop everything and go shopping at forever 21 for metallic leggings and feathery headbands.

but i don’t get to go shopping. because i’m brokety, broke, broke. so the shine in my life must come from cheaper alternatives.

enter home-brewed coffee with a dash of pumpkin pie spice to replace my much-anticipated fall favorite bevvy at starbucks. a library card to fuel my literary genius side. home manicures instead of fancy pampering sessions. ratty highlights with a solid three inches of dirty blonde roots. three-buck chuck in the comfort of my home vs. $45 bottles at fancy restaurants. cup o noodle and saltines for lunch.

all of these changes to my routine — all these sacrifices — and i’m still doing the paycheck-to-paycheck dance.

ah, the life of luxury and glitter.  why must you be so alluring, yet so impossible to achieve?



dear money, take 2
June 4, 2008, 4:10 pm
Filed under: fear and loathing, perfectly impossible | Tags: , , , , , ,

you may have won yet another round, but don’t let that fool you. i intend to win the war. I still have six months to go……

p.s. i hate you. with a passion.



hodge podge o’ fun

as promised, i’ve been fairly silent since the beginning of april. that doesn’t mean my life has been the same.

since we last met:

– my quarter century mark passed without a hitch. (well, at least, i don’t remember much of a hitch. rumor has it i did fall face first into a cat-piss-covered futon at an apartment just outside of denver after throwing back shots of tequila and yelling at my friend for paying more attention to a trio of creepy men than her Royal Birthdayness.)

– speaking of denver, it’s gorgeous there. i miss mountains.

– took a work trip back to my homeland where i tried to squeeze in seeing all the people i love (except poem, who makes it a point to avoid the office when i’m around), several hours of meetings and planning sessions, frequenting martini bars and other haunts of my past, and catching up on sleep. excedrin pm is my new best friend.

– i got me another “al castle rocks” t-shirt. (be jealous.) actually, got me another three “al castle rocks” t-shirts because, in classic al castle form, the genius behind the t-shirt wasn’t sure what size i am now since i’ve surely gained weight since he last saw me.

– i had my first bridesmaid breakdown for the wedding i’m in this summer. after hopping from plane to plane and driving up and down washington state, earlier-mentioned denver friend’s mother made me burst into tears after i showed up two hours late to a bridal shower i wasn’t even supposed to be at — further proof that weddings are the devil and that i should not be forced into familial obligations when i’m jet-lagged, cranky and retardedly hungover.

– april 15. tax day. need i say more? well, i will. virginia tax day is coming up, too, and my bank account is quickly dwindling. my new year’s resolution isn’t going so well.

– my newer resolution to cut back on the chik fil a and get back into shape is also not going so well. i think if you take the time to sign up for a gym membership, you should automatically lose 5 pounds for showing initiative. that would be a much better motivator than the weekly “you’re-a-fat-ass” e-mails they send me.

– Pithy and i went to Shecky’s Girls Night Out. For $25, we got free goody bags and samples. The goody bags were pretty much worth it (i now have a lifetime supply of shampoo and lotions), but the next time i pay money for “free food and beverages” i’d better get more than a lean cuisine topped off by a drop of vodka — especially when i venture into a high-brow city event with the plague i carried back from the pacific northwest. (my apologies now to any lovely ladies i may have infected with my whooping cough.) i did, however, help convince Miss Pith to throw a Slumber Party. should make for a rollickingly inappropriate good time.

– i’ve gone back to my roots quite literally. it’s been four years since i decided i’d had enough of my over-possessive blonde-loving college boyfriend and grabbed my first box of auburn-brown dye. my love affair with the dark side continued through my lindsay lohan girl-crush days and on, ’til i fell for kristen bell’s blonde pixie cut. which brings me to today. i’m blonde again.

– i joined a co-ed softball team, which plays its first game on Wednesday. although i grew up playing the sport, i haven’t thrown, caught or hit a ball in about eight years and i’m absolutely terrified. i joined this so-called “drinking league” after being promised no one would be too competitive and i’d get lots of free beer. 16 THOUSAND e-mails later, i’m convinced these were just lies to get more women on the team so they wouldn’t have to forfeit.

– two tornadoes touched down in maryland last night. ummmm, excuse me?? they have tornadoes in maryland? whose idea was it to move east again? where’s the sunshine and humidity i signed up for?



that getting out of debt thing.

Ah, money. What I wouldn’t give to live without you. Wait. That’s inaccurate. I already live without you. Yet you still manage to cause such a burden in my life (and even more so in the lives of those closest to me, but that’s a whole other story).

This year, i’m conquering you, money. I will capture you and lock you up in an airtight account where no one but me can get to you. And I will keep you there just long enough to give you to the sadistic bill collectors who clog up my e-mail inbox every month. No longer will you get to enjoy reckless shopping sprees where you disappear and i end up with heinous shirts i only end up wearing once. Gone are the days of buying rounds and rounds of shots for people i hardly know. Goodbye fast food and lattes — it’s homemade lunches and free office coffee for me, and Visa smorgasbords for you.

Don’t worry, money. We’ll still see each other once in awhile. Just not as often. Ya see, I recently did some math and discovered we would have a much stronger relationship if I used you to better myself — not that the years of buying overpriced clothes, drinking far too much and eating crappy food weren’t fun. It’s just that, I’ll be 25 soon. And when I was little (when I still thought you grew on a magical tree at my daddy’s store), I thought I’d be in a much different place when I hit 25. I thought I’d own a castle in the middle of a deserted island with servants catering to my every wish. And while I’m not doing so terribly, I’d still like to own something resembling that dream sooner rather than later.

I hope you understand what this means, money, and i hope you’ll do your darnedest not to tempt me. Stop convincing me to “window shop” or meet up with my friends for “just a drink or two.” This spending detox will be good for both of us, I promise.