Flipflops in the Rain

death by sugar.

can someone please institute a holiday devoted to all things not candy? i swear to god, i will never get back in shape for our running team with the pounds of chocolate i’ve consumed since starting this office job three-ish years ago. every time i turn around, there’s jelly beans, chocolate bars and vats of pure sugar just sitting on my desk, begging and taunting my marshmallow belly to eat them. and before I even realize it, i’m pounding back the shots of maple syrup and rainbow dust with absolutely no control.

this must stop. before the next holiday. what is the next holiday? (besides my birthday in two weeks — i can’t quit candy before my quarter-life crisis begins, of course.) earth day? that might work, actually. i could probably handle not eating any candy on earth day.

unless i find a basket of skittle-flavored grass and chocolate bark on my desk.

i give up.

‘love actually’ crushes the soul.

i came home intent on telling you all the real reason i lost my christmas spirit — it was sucked out dry by the miles and miles of red brake lights lined up in front of me on the commute home from work. but then i thought, no, no — my friends all think i’ve become an apathetic sap and whining about the hours i spend in traffic each week will only further cement this theory. so instead, i lit some cranberry-scented candles and curled up on the floor to watch “Love Actually” with a cup of gingerbread tea. i was going to rediscover my christmas spirit!

mission not accomplished.

did anyone actually pay attention to this movie when it came out three years ago? it is so f*cking sad! i literally had tears streaming down my face as i watched scene after scene of lives destroyed from the bittersweet intensity of love lost.

sigh. it may be time to bust open that vodka and put in some charlie brown.

the midge who stole christmas.

Christmas is in six days, and i have yet to feel the holiday spirit. maybe cuz i’m thousands of miles from home. maybe cuz i haven’t started shopping. maybe cuz i don’t have any decorations. maybe cuz i forgot to take my cat to petco for santa pictures. whatever the case, i’m a real scrooge.

hearing other people talk about their holiday plans and larger-than-life gift lists is just making me Uber Depresso Supremo (as some might phrase it). the inevitable dysfunction looming in my very, very near future has left me numb to the ho-ho-hoing and caroling going on around me. even the fifth of vodka i scored at our department gift exchange didn’t change my demeanor.

i think my heart has shrank three sizes since last december…