Flipflops in the Rain


numb.
January 18, 2008, 4:33 pm
Filed under: family first, fear and loathing, perfectly impossible | Tags: , , ,

it’s probably not politically correct to say i feel like i’ve been hit by a truck after hearing about the death of a family friend. but i’m not feeling great, that’s for sure, so words of sensitivity and delicacy are not exactly flowing right now. words of nonsense are really all i’ve got.

i feel distracted and drained. physically and emotionally exhausted after 12 hours of sleep. confused as to why i’m taking things so hard.

death is a funny thing. not funny-haha, of course, but funny-irrational-interesting-insane. you feel guilty for laughing. you feel ashamed for bursting into tears in public. you feel like you need to change your ways so you “get the most out of life.” you feel completely displaced from reality. memories that you didn’t even know you had start flashing in front of you. a montage of clips cloud your vision — the murder mystery party, the horrible dancing at the horrible hick bars, the broken cell phone, the whispered neighborhood gossip, the bursts of laughter — and all of a sudden, that person is more a part of your life than she ever was when she was alive.

my sister’s friend and neighbor passed away in her sleep yesterday — causes unknown. she was too young, too fun and too pretty. she found me adorable and hysterical. her stories were always too elaborate, but entertaining nonetheless. her house was beautifully decorated, her husband was still in love with her, and her dog was the sweetest lil thing. she wasn’t perfect by any stretch, but i’d like to remember her as if she were.

and that’s why death is so funny. because the imperfections of people evaporate overnight and you only remember the good. because you suddenly realize the amazing impact these people have had on your life. because you wish you’d appreciated them more while they were still here.

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sixty six: cynara.
January 16, 2008, 4:27 pm
Filed under: 24 words, family first, journalicious | Tags: , , ,

you and joemack remind me how happy two people can truly be. Can’t wait to meet the baby boy you’re bringing into this world!



tiny steps and nerdy habits.

my grams is in town.

every time i say that, people around me groan. but the thing is, my grams is pretty effing fabulous. she travels the world regularly and forces me to eat ice cream. she’s the first in line for wine tasting at whole foods and doesn’t seem to sleep. truth be told, she’s wearing me out a lil.

but having her here allows me to embrace my less conventional and mildly nerdy side. i was in bed by 10 on saturday, i’m dying to start knitting again and i’m already halfway finished with ‘love in the time of cholera,’ a book i was just about to shelve. she reminds me that it’s okay to slow down and admire the scenery. she reminds it’s okay that i’m the only one of her grandkids who’s still single (and that it’s okay to admit that was even a concern for that itty bitty millisecond). she reminds me i still have time to learn to cook and paint and write the World’s Greatest Novel That’s Only Slightly Based on Real Events. she reminds me of the woman that i hope to some day be.

it’s almost 8:30. time to curl into bed, lose myself in a tragic love story, sob all over my cat and hopefully be asleep by 9. i have to finish this book before the weekend — grams and i are headed to Colonial Williamsburg for a brief history lesson Saturday.



sixty: grams.
January 8, 2008, 9:33 pm
Filed under: 24 words, family first | Tags: , , , , , ,

my earliest memories include singing, giggling and causing trouble at your old house. can’t wait to do more of that with you next week.



fifty four: rob.
December 17, 2007, 8:49 pm
Filed under: 24 words, family first | Tags: , , , ,

bro-in-law, it’s about that time when you, me and kim should go pick out the biggest tree in the farm… i miss that simplicity.



forty nine: margaret.
December 11, 2007, 6:37 pm
Filed under: 24 words, bestest friends, family first | Tags: ,

you’ve spent years treating me like i’m your second daughter, and i love knowing that i can come to you whenever i need to.



sometimes…
December 4, 2007, 9:23 pm
Filed under: bestest friends, family first, perfectly impossible | Tags: , , , ,

… it just takes talking to a good girlfriend to put things in perspective.

i’m turning into my mother.

i don’t want to elaborate. i just want to stop it before it’s too late.