Flipflops in the Rain


wanted: extremely patient assistant to fix my phone and tell me when to eat
January 5, 2010, 4:35 pm
Filed under: fear and loathing, geek chic | Tags: , , , ,

i’m pretty sure i should hire a personal assistant.

granted, i don’t have any money, and i can get really bitchy and/or whiny when i haven’t slept. but basically, i really need someone to take on the full-time job of making sure i act like a grown-up.

example: i don’t eat when i should. and when i do eat, i make poor choices. for instance, i’m sitting here, shaking because i’m so hungry, but instead of doing the responsible thing and making a sandwich, i’m blogging about it. (if you’re in the neighborhood, turkey on rye with a wee bit of mayo. thanks.)

another example: i don’t do errands. one of the main reasons i’m not eating (besides pure laziness) is because i need to go grocery shopping. i’ve needed to for about three weeks. i went before christmas, but only so i could buy six bottles of wine and a case of cheese dip.

the grocery shopping isn’t my biggest concern right now. that’s why they invented “pizza delivery” and “fast food.” no, my biggest concern is that my blackberry committed suicide this weekend and i needed to order a new one and i now have to fedex the original blackberry back to my phone company. WHAT?! how do i even begin to fedex something? don’t i already have enough to worry about with the whole phone-breaking-and-i-can’t-update-my-twitter-every-15-seconds thing and trying to figure out how to activate the replacement phone? and can someone please tell me how to back-up all my contacts when i don’t have access to the network? this is all far too complicated. i’ve managed to download five different programs and i’m nowhere closer to transferring my contacts from one phone to another.

(if you knew that i worked in a tech center, your brain would probably explode at my sheer incompetence with this phone debacle.)

so, yeah. if you’re looking for a new job that doesn’t pay well (or at all), requires a high tolerance for dealing with bitchy, sleep-deprived idiots and starts within the next 10 days (because that’s how long i have to fedex this stupid thing), call me! no, wait. e-mail me. god damn phone.



bridesmaid boot camp and other out-of-date updates

i’m in the office on a saturday, and it’s not the worst thing in the world (although visions of bill lumberg are dancing in my head). in fact, i finally have time for some bloggy TLC.

i worked out five times this week. it’s become less of a chore and more of a way to unwind. (i think i’m addicted to my gym’s sauna.) with that said, i’m not losing any weight after nine solid weeks of quitting chik fil a and co. this wouldn’t be such a bad thing (i’m only a lil round), but i have to squeeze into an already-too-snug bridesmaid dress in less than a month. said dress is 3,000 miles away from me, so I don’t exactly have time to get it altered before the big day. (is it sad that i’m this stressed about a big day that’s not even *my* big day? the bride thinks it’s pretty sad…)

anyway, long story short, i’m not giving up on this workout kick no matter what kind of bad news mr. scale wants to throw my way. i feel better, right? (insert eye roll here.)

i did have to give up my dreams of becoming a championship boxer, though. after my free class (which was awesome), i would’ve had to purchase a membership to continue. unfortunately for my wallet, a membership costs $75/month with a minimum 12-month commitment — excluding the additional costs for equipment. sigh. guess i’ll have to stick to less conventional means of drunkenly wrestling with my friends (yes, plural. sorry, wools — you’re no longer the last person i beat up).

non-related somewhat noteworthy topics:

last weekend, i went to the beach. next weekend, i’m going to the beach. next year, i think i’ll move to the beach. in the meantime, i’m looking past the scattered thunderstorms to a summer filled with enjoying this.

i got a crackberry. picture me mobile blogging.

i heart chuck klosterman. i just started “IV: a decade of curious people and dangerous minds,” which begins with an essay about britney circa 2003 — how could i not heart him? seriously, though, his books are hilarious. (yes, i’m the creepy girl laughing out loud while she reads in public.) do yourself a favor and go buy “killing yourself to live” right this instant.

i just found out my dad reads my blog. (hi, daddy!) this is still nowhere near as bad as when he and my mom joined facebook. or as bad as the last family vacation we all took together, but that’s an entirely different story that i’ll probably never tell.

my phobia of raccoons has become ridiculously exploited. i guess this is what i get for having ridiculous phobias.

speaking of ridiculous, i’ve been ridiculously boring in my weeks of silence, and i think that’s all the updates i’ve got for ya. i’ve even toned down my drinking in the wake of my bridesmaid bootcamp activities, so the embarrassing stories that i usually don’t publicly write about are pretty much nil. (seriously, pithy — that bucket o wine was a myth.)