Good news: I’m going to start blogging again!
Bad(?) news: I’ve been dragging my flipflops on this decision for awhile, but I’m moving to a new site. If you want to follow me on my new adventures, you’ll have to update your favorites bar and resubscribe at http://achicknamedcarl.wordpress.com.
so, i’ve actually checked off some boxes on the ol’ 2011 not-really-resolutions-but-pretty-much-resolutions list. someone should probably buy me a beer for that accomplishment alone.
run my first half marathon — check!
gone back to europe — check!
been an adult who keeps her apartment kinda clean — check!
so, what does all this goal-accomplishing mean for me? honestly, not much. accomplishing goals is never as noteworthy has you expect it to be. it just leaves me craving more, planning more.
i’m not a big planner, so i find this unsettling. sure, i like checking things off a list every now and then, but i prefer spontaneity even more. now, i’m like, “oh, now i can run two more half marathons — and i can run them from anywhere in the world! instead of visiting europe again — LIVE in europe! why be an adult when i can act like a carefree kid!?”
this really does not bode well with the version of me who signed up for grad school and moved back to seattle. how can i crush these stir-crazy dreams so i can focus on just being here and now?
Filed under: family first, fear and loathing, perfectly impossible, sporty spice | Tags: childhood, generation gap, past, self esteem, soccer, teenagers, writing
i journal a lot now. (and by a lot, i mean way more than i blog.) nearly every entry references how much “i just love to write, but i never do it!” or how “awesome it feels to just free write!”
i don’t want to do that now.
let’s talk about the future of innovation.
(just kidding. no one wants to read about that.)
let’s talk about teenage girls.
(not so much with the kidding, although that came across super creepy.)
i have a beautiful, smart and talented 14-year-old niece. (I also have beautiful, smart and talented 12- and 9-year-old nieces, but their stories are for another time.) she, since the day she was born, has been a little emotional. she cries at the drop of a hat, and she cares about everyone’s feelings a little more than she should. she also is only truly happy and confident in herself when she’s running up and down the soccer field, cheering and kicking butt alongside her teammates.
she tried out for her high school freshman soccer team today… and she did not make the cut.
about 13-some-odd years ago, i knew another little emotional girl who went through the exact same rejection period. and she was a wreck for weeks, and her self-esteem dropped for years. today, she’s fine. she’s accepted that minor setback and moved so far on from it that no one would guess that scar was still faintly intact on her ego.
teenage me is alive and well, buried under this calm, cool and very cynical exterior of mine. she comes out to play when we’re alone in my car and alanis morrisette comes on the radio. she stares cruelly and critically every morning in the mirror. and she particularly seeps into my writing after a beer or two and tells me i should be upset about the past. but honestly, i just don’t care what teenage me has to say anymore. i’ve grown past those insecurities, and i genuinely believe that i’m better off because of my failures.
but how do i tell today’s little girl that it will all work out in the end? how do i put into simple terms, with current pop cultural references, that she won’t always be the best at what she thinks she should be the best? and that she will learn to be happy and confident in ways she doesn’t even realize yet? and that, although screaming girl-power anthems can be a fun way to pass the time in your car, she will not always hate the people who try to hold her back?
i guess the moral of the story is, the only way we can truly understand today’s youth is by remembering our own painful and not-so-pretty pasts.
Filed under: journalicious, perfectly impossible | Tags: grad school, learning, procrastination, who wants to scream with me
and i am the princess of procrastination.
in my pursuit of becoming a better person (and because of my lifelong habits of throwing money i don’t have in the garbage), i applied to grad school. within four weeks, i was accepted and registered for masters-level courses.
i don’t know what i was thinking. i’ve forgotten how to be a student. and i’ve quickly remembered how to get by on extremely tight deadlines. i’m surprisingly good at half-assing my way to an A. i’m three classes in, and doing pretty well on five-hour-energy-fueled, last-minute writing sessions — which is so not the point of getting a higher education.
i wish i could turn off the internet and just focus. oh, look! best video ever!
Filed under: bestest friends, family first, perfectly impossible, work and play | Tags: best friends, east coast, great expectations, moving, taking risks, west coast
one year ago, i moved back to the west coast.
i lived with my parents.
i started a new job.
i turned a long-distance relationship into a very short one.
i turned short-distance friendships into very long ones.
i rekindled long-term traditions with my childhood best friends.
i had big expectations.
today, i’m not moving anywhere.
i live alone in the city with my loyal fluffball.
i love my job.
i have moved on from the relationship i thought was meant to be forever.
i miss my east coast friends every minute of every day.
i love my west coast friends even more every minute of every day.
i have no more expectations.
in one year, i have learned to take risks.
i will go back to europe in five weeks.
i will run a half-marathon in three months.
i will probably adopt another fluffball in six months.
i will graduate with a master’s degree in 18 months.
i will learn to create a decent meal in 24 months. maybe.
i will take each day one step at a time.
…but i thought i’d give it a shot.
my top goals for 2011:
run a half marathon.
go to europe again.
vacuum/grocery shop/change my sheets regularly (read: be an adult).
practice yoga at least once a week.
try something new every single day.
Filed under: perfectly impossible
I live alone!
Happy 4th, loves. I went to a killer party, and 2.5 hours later, I went to my new apartment to chill w my cat and watch an episode of veronica mars that i’ve watched 10 times. I also decided that, hey! I want to make homemade granola! So I made homemade granola.
Living alone kills.