Flipflops in the Rain

on hiatus

the past two weeks have been a mess of tears, frustrations, conferences, visitors, new employees, canceled obligations and a whirlwind of other activities that have left my brain reeling and my body begging to crash headfirst into bed and not wake up for days. until i can catch a break from the work-related stressors, i prefer not to spend my downtime staring at a computer screen. instead, i’ve been filling my evenings with exercise (yea!) and my weekends with sunshine.

so while i can’t say how long or short this bloggy break will be, i can say i can’t wait to be back, bragging about my fast food fast (seven weeks today!) and gushing about my new veronica mars dvds.


dear money, take 2
June 4, 2008, 4:10 pm
Filed under: fear and loathing, perfectly impossible | Tags: , , , , , ,

you may have won yet another round, but don’t let that fool you. i intend to win the war. I still have six months to go……

p.s. i hate you. with a passion.

crawling out of my skin.
May 21, 2008, 3:48 pm
Filed under: fear and loathing, perfectly impossible | Tags: , , , , ,

i’m often overcome by a feeling of needing to shed my skin and run away from myself. kind of like a snake only less creepy. it usually comes about if:

–i’ve been sitting in one place too long (i’d like to think 45+ hours a week in front of a computer will do that to almost anyone);
–i want to strangle some annoying co-worker(s) who won’t.stop.talking.louder.than.my.ipod.can.play (i’d like think being cooped in the same building with said obnoxious people for 45+ hours a week will do that to almost anyone);
–or i’m just absolutely, positively, ready-to-move-away-and-never-ever-come-back bored with my life (which happens more frequently than i’d like to admit).

today i’ve remembered there’s another time i want to shed my skin. when my skin not only doesn’t want to shed me, but it loves me so much, it wants to amass into larger growths of skin, preferably of the red, bumpy, disgusting, pimply kind right in the middle of my face.

i’m 25 (gah!) — when will i outgrow the remnants of my painful adolescence?

get in my belly!

i know you’re all dying to know how my fast food fast is going. weeeeelll. it’s going.

the problem with my new “diet” (three weeks tomorrow — yea!) is that i’m always, always hungry. Usually, pre-fast, gorging on a chikin sandwich and milkshake would fill me up for most the day. Now, i’m eating trail mix by the gallon, drooling over thoughts of Mexican food and wasting loads of money on snack foods for my desk (the rationale being that i won’t pop over to chik fil a or taco bell if i have enough food at my desk). even as i’m writing this, my eyes are wandering over to the box of triscuits. i’m. not. even. HUNGRY.

someone help me. how do i curb these cravings?

oh, yeah. and gym at least once a week? fail. how can i gym it when i’m bogged down by all this excess salty snack weight?

i declare tomorrow keep your thoughts to yourself day

(not intended for the easily offended.)

i’d like to think i’m a pretty good listener and an even better friend. but as of late, it seems that more and more people are discovering this, which leads to more and more conversations about negative topics, which leads to more and more negative thoughts infiltrating *my* outlook on life. which, in turn, makes me whiny, bitchy and annoying. like right now.

for example, this is what my inner dialogue looks like:
i don’t care that you don’t have any money right now. welcome to my life.
i don’t care that you hate your job. 50 to 99 percent of all americans do, too.
i don’t care that you have a troubled love life. hi, my name’s flippy, and i’m a recovering love-aholic with a side of unavailable men and reckless decisions.
i don’t care. i don’t care. i don’t care.

so for the next 24-36 hours, my ears are off limits. unless you wanna tell me how pretty i am.

(end rant.)

‘spilled her coffee, broke her shoelace…’

when i heard fuel’s “bad day” on the radio last night, i didn’t realize it was gonna be such nasty foreshadowing in the life of me.

woke up late.
woke up cranky.
woke up sore from yoga.
woke up with puffy, puffy eyes from an allergy attack.
had a quick roommate bitchfest.
hit ridiculous traffic. again.
couldn’t start my craptastic computer.
found out my ‘puter’s hard drive committed suicide. already.
spent most the morning not working. and not in a fun way.
spent a lot of money i don’t have.
had to make a lunch, per the fast food fast.
burnt my hand on lunch.
dropped my hot lunch facedown on the dirty floor and into an open box of printer paper.
dropped hot lunch in front of coworker.
cried over hot lunch. (who cries over dropping something?!)
smoked a cigarette.
taste like an ashtray.
dreading softball game tonight.
driving to game tonight equals no booze.
can’t skip game or team will have to forfeit.
annoyed by coworker’s voice.
annoyed with my negative attitude.
not changing my negative attitude anyway.

Today. FAIL.

if i say it on the internet, i guess i have to do it…

… i’m going to the gym tonight.

i’m going to the gym tonight, and i’m going to like it. i’m going to run, i’m going to sweat, and i’m going to make my muscles scream at me.

and i’m going to start going three times a week at least once a week.

and i’m going to forget chik fil a exists.

and if the Caps win tonight (WHEN! WHEN the Caps win tonight!) and my roommate tries to get me to go out drinking to celebrate, i’m not going to do it.

i’m not going to drink and i’m going to the gym and i’m no longer eating chikin and i’m going to like my decision on all counts.

there. i said it. so now i gotta do it.

i’m here, but i’m really gone.

i’ve been MIA lately, as I’ve been turning my attention away from my (craptastic) computer and toward spiritual enlightenment and personal well-being. I’ve joined a gym, bought some books and vowed to start eating healthier.

Instead, I’ve gone to the gym twice and become obsessed with sitting on my (roommate’s) new couch while watching TV shows that other people have long since preached about: Grey’s Anatomy, Brothers and Sisters, Gilmore Girls… I can’t pull myself away from my (roommate’s) new flat-screen in the living room — unless, of course, to grab a glass of wine, beer or some other form of liquid deliciousness. I’ve also managed to get some much-deserved retail therapy* in as the sweet, sweet, remaining hours of my early 20s rapidly diminish.**

So as you can see, I’ve been extremely busy lately. I apologize for the lack of updates and warn you that they’ll probably be even further and far between these next few weeks as I hop back and forth across the country.

*In the throes of my impending quarter-life crisis, I apparently decided to buy $40 lip gloss. Please do not let me give this lip gloss away to a homeless person in lieu of cash. (it’s strangely enough been known to happen.)

** Please also do not hurt me for insinuating that life is over at 25. I know most of my readers are part of the walking dead and still in denial about it. I’m just helping you come to terms with it. We can be here for each other in this time of darkness.

i’m going to start keeping liquor in my office.
March 12, 2008, 5:28 pm
Filed under: fear and loathing, work and play

me = (bashing+head+against+wall+tonight)^repeatedly

we all have our demons.

thinking before i act.
bottling up my anger.
sticking my foot in my mouth.
acting stubborn.
acting lazy.
acting passive aggressive.
needing to win.
wanting what i can’t have.
biting my nails.
getting destructively bored.
never making up my mind.
always changing my mind.
forgetting to write.
remembering the little stuff.
holding a grudge.
crying too much.
drinking too much.
eating too much.
exercising too little.
not trusting enough.
trusting too much.
thinking too much.