so, i’ve actually checked off some boxes on the ol’ 2011 not-really-resolutions-but-pretty-much-resolutions list. someone should probably buy me a beer for that accomplishment alone.
run my first half marathon — check!
gone back to europe — check!
been an adult who keeps her apartment kinda clean — check!
so, what does all this goal-accomplishing mean for me? honestly, not much. accomplishing goals is never as noteworthy has you expect it to be. it just leaves me craving more, planning more.
i’m not a big planner, so i find this unsettling. sure, i like checking things off a list every now and then, but i prefer spontaneity even more. now, i’m like, “oh, now i can run two more half marathons — and i can run them from anywhere in the world! instead of visiting europe again — LIVE in europe! why be an adult when i can act like a carefree kid!?”
this really does not bode well with the version of me who signed up for grad school and moved back to seattle. how can i crush these stir-crazy dreams so i can focus on just being here and now?
Filed under: a few of my favorite things
as i anxiously squeezed out the last of my origins facewash, i realized, “dear god, i can’t live without certain luxuries.”
when did i become so high maintenance? (answer: i always have been. oh, the joy of having terrible skin as a child.) i’ll admit — i was a dior whore for many, many years. but when your favorite brand repeatedly breaks your heart by discontinuing your favorite products, you need to find a more reliable product.
i always love hearing about other women’s go-to products, so here’s a list of mine:
– origins never a dull moment face cleanser. like i said, dior crushed my loyalty. so I went to origins. i have acne-prone skin* — or at least i did before i used this face wash. i seriously haven’t had more than two teeny, tiny breakouts since i started using this product. (knock on wood.) i change up my face lotion regularly, so this is the only constant in my skin-care routine. because everyone’s skin is so, so different, i will preempt this recommendation with the note that i have oily/combination skin, and i use it twice a day.
– kiehls olive fruit oil nourishing conditioner. i have terrible hair. no, seriously. it’s thick and wavy in that really ugly way that makes you feel sorry for it. this conditioner? FIXED THAT. honestly, i’m obsessed. i lather it on a few times a week for five minutes at a time, and it has softened, tamed and prettified my unruly mop top. it doesn’t even matter what shampoo you leave in — THIS WORKS. (capitalization necessary, i love this product THAT MUCH).
– l’oreal hair dye. [before you say anything, yes, i realize this might contribute to my thick, wavy, unruly disaster show of a mane, but i don’t care. now that i use the right conditioner (see above), it all balances out! please don’t tell my hair dresser friends i said this] so, i’m cheap. i would much prefer to spend my money on happy hours and new clothes. so spending $200+ to dye my hair every few months is just not an option. i’ve been dying my hair with l’oreal for years, and it hasn’t fallen out yet! (note: i will always shell out the money for a professional when i go lighter. blonde is NOT better when it comes to box dye. trust.)
– nars makeup. i’m lucky enough to have a friend who gives me free makeovers and samples whenever i want. and she’s lucky enough to know that i will drop the money for good makeup when i can find it. nars has the best eye shadow duos and foundation. go try it.
– mac eye kohl. the first non-liquid eyeliner i’ve used since high school — and i haven’t gone back.
– opi “lincoln park after dark” nail polish. yes, it’s almost a cop out to put this on my list since it’s so popular. but honestly, i have yet to find a color that looks this good on so many skin tones.
*honestly, Dove soap is where it’s at if you can’t find anything else that works. it’s gentle and CHEAP. try it before you try something ridiculously expensive.
Filed under: family first, fear and loathing, perfectly impossible, sporty spice | Tags: childhood, generation gap, past, self esteem, soccer, teenagers, writing
i journal a lot now. (and by a lot, i mean way more than i blog.) nearly every entry references how much “i just love to write, but i never do it!” or how “awesome it feels to just free write!”
i don’t want to do that now.
let’s talk about the future of innovation.
(just kidding. no one wants to read about that.)
let’s talk about teenage girls.
(not so much with the kidding, although that came across super creepy.)
i have a beautiful, smart and talented 14-year-old niece. (I also have beautiful, smart and talented 12- and 9-year-old nieces, but their stories are for another time.) she, since the day she was born, has been a little emotional. she cries at the drop of a hat, and she cares about everyone’s feelings a little more than she should. she also is only truly happy and confident in herself when she’s running up and down the soccer field, cheering and kicking butt alongside her teammates.
she tried out for her high school freshman soccer team today… and she did not make the cut.
about 13-some-odd years ago, i knew another little emotional girl who went through the exact same rejection period. and she was a wreck for weeks, and her self-esteem dropped for years. today, she’s fine. she’s accepted that minor setback and moved so far on from it that no one would guess that scar was still faintly intact on her ego.
teenage me is alive and well, buried under this calm, cool and very cynical exterior of mine. she comes out to play when we’re alone in my car and alanis morrisette comes on the radio. she stares cruelly and critically every morning in the mirror. and she particularly seeps into my writing after a beer or two and tells me i should be upset about the past. but honestly, i just don’t care what teenage me has to say anymore. i’ve grown past those insecurities, and i genuinely believe that i’m better off because of my failures.
but how do i tell today’s little girl that it will all work out in the end? how do i put into simple terms, with current pop cultural references, that she won’t always be the best at what she thinks she should be the best? and that she will learn to be happy and confident in ways she doesn’t even realize yet? and that, although screaming girl-power anthems can be a fun way to pass the time in your car, she will not always hate the people who try to hold her back?
i guess the moral of the story is, the only way we can truly understand today’s youth is by remembering our own painful and not-so-pretty pasts.