Flipflops in the Rain


numb.
January 18, 2008, 4:33 pm
Filed under: family first, fear and loathing, perfectly impossible | Tags: , , ,

it’s probably not politically correct to say i feel like i’ve been hit by a truck after hearing about the death of a family friend. but i’m not feeling great, that’s for sure, so words of sensitivity and delicacy are not exactly flowing right now. words of nonsense are really all i’ve got.

i feel distracted and drained. physically and emotionally exhausted after 12 hours of sleep. confused as to why i’m taking things so hard.

death is a funny thing. not funny-haha, of course, but funny-irrational-interesting-insane. you feel guilty for laughing. you feel ashamed for bursting into tears in public. you feel like you need to change your ways so you “get the most out of life.” you feel completely displaced from reality. memories that you didn’t even know you had start flashing in front of you. a montage of clips cloud your vision — the murder mystery party, the horrible dancing at the horrible hick bars, the broken cell phone, the whispered neighborhood gossip, the bursts of laughter — and all of a sudden, that person is more a part of your life than she ever was when she was alive.

my sister’s friend and neighbor passed away in her sleep yesterday — causes unknown. she was too young, too fun and too pretty. she found me adorable and hysterical. her stories were always too elaborate, but entertaining nonetheless. her house was beautifully decorated, her husband was still in love with her, and her dog was the sweetest lil thing. she wasn’t perfect by any stretch, but i’d like to remember her as if she were.

and that’s why death is so funny. because the imperfections of people evaporate overnight and you only remember the good. because you suddenly realize the amazing impact these people have had on your life. because you wish you’d appreciated them more while they were still here.

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3 Comments

😦 words won’t make you feel better, cari. i’m just really sorry. death baffles me too. it’s one of the things in life that i’m worst at. i harp, wonder, cry, wish, reminisce, obsess over the death more than is humanly healthy. but there is some solace found in our thoughts of those who past…cause it’s nice to think that when we pass, people will only remember our good.

Comment by 20Something

I’m no good at consoling words, but I can listen and be a shoulder to cry and vent to. I’m thinking of you kid.

Comment by SmugMonkey

so sad, which one was liz? was she at the halloween party?

Comment by air e kuh




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