Filed under: a few of my favorite things
a taste of the west coast is just what i needed on this delightfully sunny but freezing winter day.
i am stressed.
i am exhausted.
i am content.
sometimes, i think we all just need a lil reminder…
Filed under: perfectly impossible
Mike: “This is why I’m gay — I could never put up with you.”
Flipflops: “Well, I could never put up with YOU!”
Mike: “Oh, whatever. You’d be lucky to end up with someone like me — I dote on Joe.”
Flipflops: “That’s why I don’t have a boyfriend. I can’t handle doting.”
Mike: “No, you’re a bitch — that’s why you don’t have a boyfriend.”
Filed under: fear and loathing, obscure pop culture references, perfectly impossible | Tags: anxiety, dream analysis, dreams, hobby, sleep, stress
i’ve lately taken to trying to analyze my dreams. i guess you could call it a new hobby if repeatedly googling “dream analysis” counts as a productive recreational pastime.
for about a year now, i’ve been having vivid dreams that associate my everyday stressors with my subconscious thoughts. this isn’t incredibly weird on its own — i’ve had a stressful and life-changing year. i’ve grown, i’ve stumbled and i’ve learned. Ish.
Anywayz, i’ve had a few dreams that have recently stuck out — the dreaded naked dream and the creepy seeing-my-own-death dream — which encouraged me to pursue the meaning of my recurring “being chased” dream*:
Chase dreams may represent your way of coping with fears, stress or various situations in your waking life. Instead of confronting the situation, you are running away and avoiding it…. One may be consumed by their own anger, jealousy, love, or self-destructive behavior. For example, you may be drinking too much or exhibiting open hostility toward others around you. You may subconsciously be threatened by these actions which have been jeopardizing your relationships and/or career. Your dreams are a way of calling attention to these self-destructive actions.
So I’m an angry and overly anxious alcoholic who’s subconsciously destroying everything in her path? Tell me I’m reading the wrong Google results…
*Recurring may be a bit of a stretch. While the theme has stayed the same year after year — someone or something is after me — the setup of these dreams drastically varies each time.
Filed under: a few of my favorite things, perfectly impossible | Tags: art, artistic, crafts, drawing, knitting, painting, pictures, scarf, urban outfitters
since my grandmother’s departure, all i’ve wanted to do is stock up on paint supplies, yarn and beads to embark on a period of creative expression. i’m feeling crafty, i’m feeling artistic and i’m feeling alive with the need to just make things. Unfortunately for me, the nearest craft store is nowhere near convenient and the knitting supplies i need are gonna cost me upwards of 50 bucks — twice the price of just buying a mass manufactured scarf from Urban Outfitters.
So instead, i found some old colored pencils and drew a picture.
I just bought the “juno” soundtrack, and I can’t get this song out of my head. it’s a happy, singsongy lil diddly, and it reminds me of falling in love. we could all use some sunshine and puppy love in our lives — even if it’s only a momentary flutter of happiness manufactured from the music on your iPod.
Filed under: family first, fear and loathing, perfectly impossible | Tags: death, family, friend, memories
it’s probably not politically correct to say i feel like i’ve been hit by a truck after hearing about the death of a family friend. but i’m not feeling great, that’s for sure, so words of sensitivity and delicacy are not exactly flowing right now. words of nonsense are really all i’ve got.
i feel distracted and drained. physically and emotionally exhausted after 12 hours of sleep. confused as to why i’m taking things so hard.
death is a funny thing. not funny-haha, of course, but funny-irrational-interesting-insane. you feel guilty for laughing. you feel ashamed for bursting into tears in public. you feel like you need to change your ways so you “get the most out of life.” you feel completely displaced from reality. memories that you didn’t even know you had start flashing in front of you. a montage of clips cloud your vision — the murder mystery party, the horrible dancing at the horrible hick bars, the broken cell phone, the whispered neighborhood gossip, the bursts of laughter — and all of a sudden, that person is more a part of your life than she ever was when she was alive.
my sister’s friend and neighbor passed away in her sleep yesterday — causes unknown. she was too young, too fun and too pretty. she found me adorable and hysterical. her stories were always too elaborate, but entertaining nonetheless. her house was beautifully decorated, her husband was still in love with her, and her dog was the sweetest lil thing. she wasn’t perfect by any stretch, but i’d like to remember her as if she were.
and that’s why death is so funny. because the imperfections of people evaporate overnight and you only remember the good. because you suddenly realize the amazing impact these people have had on your life. because you wish you’d appreciated them more while they were still here.