Flipflops in the Rain


i had a good friend contact me today, concerned that whenever he heard from me, i seemed somewhat less-than-pleased with life, and that he sensed “the slightest twinge of regret” about my decision to jump ship and move across the country. the east-coast loving half of my psyche cringed….

it’s definitely time i explain myself.

i write when i’m upset. i write when i’m confused. i write when i really need to unleash my thoughts, as wild and erratic as they may be. i rarely write when i’m content and happy with the day-to-day events in my life. sadly, this means i write e-mails, letters, blog posts, thank you cards, graduation speeches, lullabies, etc., when i’m not completely 100 percent. and if you know me really well, you know i’m not one to keep things to myself. so, again — i unleash my problems to the world.

i don’t wanna be that girl. the whiny, bitchy, silently fuming snob standing in the corner, writing her own obituary while everyone else peacefully moves on with their day. And honestly, i’m not that girl. but sometimes, i really can’t hide my emotions. and when i can’t, i vent via paper/electronic submission form. once upon a time, it was just my diary (and my mother who secretly read my diary) who saw my inner demons. now, because it’s 2007 when everyone and their dad has a blog, all of my lucky readers get to see me for who i really am.

so i’m gonna lay it out there just this once — i am so glad i moved out here. the area, the people, the cat i adopted, the experience — all of it has helped me figure out what i truly want out of life (cheeeeeesy… sorry). but yes, there are times i doubt myself. i will never regret the choices i’ve made, and i refuse to let these choices define me (except for the decisions that make me happy!), but i will unfortunately show moments of weakness.

and i will show them here.


I think most people question the choices they’ve made, looking through the liquor in the glass they hold – wondering if the sleeping pill induced “now” is making them happy. There’s lots of “nows” constantly happening and liquor to consult them with.

I for one am happy that you and Bizzi found each other, met new friends to help you along, and are figuring out what it is you want from this short life.

You have an advantage over myself – the wonderful ability to craft these moments of emotional weakness into an outlet of words, imagery and form. My lack of talent requires that I use the less artistic approach of the men in my family and bottle these things up. Forever worrying when there’s too much, and when the fragile emotional egg will crack.

Don’t let the confusion and being upset deter you from finding the next “now” which will shine, push back the darkness of the previous “dark-nows” and show you things that lie ahead.

As your friend I think I have an idea of who you are and who you want to be. I agree the silently fuming snob in the corner is not for you. The center of attention is best suited for the whiny and bitchy. 😉

This sleeping pill is kicking my ass. Befoer I pass out – know this, your friends new and old are here for you. Some of us can help remind you why you left and others why you should stay awhile longer.

Perhaps in the light of day I can manage to write something more coherent. Hang in there kid, they know.

Comment by SmugMonkey


What are you talking about — that was beautifully written! As always, i appreciate your kind words and the fact that you lend me your shoulder to cry on (or bitch and whine on, I should say). I miss you, friend.


Comment by flipflopsintherain

Who wants to read all that raindrops-on-roses crap? I’m in it for the drama, Carebear.

Heart you!

Comment by alley

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