i ultimately decided that creeping out my friends with gruesome make-up and claws for hands is way too much fun to pass up.

so i went as fredericka krueger — or miss freddie for short.

what you can’t see are my fishnet stockings and an undying desire to disco dance with my claw, thus making me what one dude proclaimed, “a totally not scary freddy krueger.”

whatever. i was still badass. were you able to scoop out jello shots with a blade all night? yeah. didn’t think so.

intimidation is my middle name.

for those of you who follow my tweets, you may have seen an explosion in pet talk today.

i could go on and on linking to previous posts about how much i hate the fall/winter, bad weather and overall mood-swinginess i suffer from four to six months out of the year, but i won’t. (well, that’s a lie. i spent about five minutes doing it.)

for four to six months out of the year, i ache. i cough. i whine. i sleep. repeat.

i eat. i laze. i bitch. i sleep. repeat.

i lack creativity. i lack motivation. i lack hope.

FOR FOUR TO SIX MONTHS OUT OF THE YEAR. that’s pathetic. and unacceptable. and i’m ready to turn it around.

but i can’t figure out how. (see above.)

i know that exercise leads to energy — but i can only muster the energy to work out one to two times a week. (the second workout usually consist of lazy-girl’s yoga, which means i spend 10 minutes stretching and rolling around on the floor while my cat stares at me in confusion.)

i know waking up first thing in the morning and ignoring the snooze button increases this much-needed energy, but gawd! that extra 20 minutes of sleep feels sooo good and my bed is sooo toasty.

i know caffeine ultimately depletes my body’s power, but i can’t function like a normal human without it.

i know a lot of things about this disease they call SAD, but i don’t know where to start the recovery process. if someone has some tips, i sure could use them.

also, i lack so much creativity that i just used thesaurus.com far too many times.

i have a problem with Halloween: it only falls once a year.

and it’s in 10 days.

now i don’t know about you, but i LOVE dressing up, and i try to go balls to the wall for every event*. my birthday party had a heaven and hell theme just so i’d have an excuse to wear a feather boa, halo and false eyelashes (which i threw across the bar at the end of the night in a fit of excitement, but that’s beside the point).

so, basically, my problem is that i can’t narrow my choices down to one costume. i know, i know, it’s on a weekend this year, so technically, i can have two costumes. however, you might remember that i’m poor and costumes are not cheap.

i’m also extremely competitive, and i’m constantly trying to one-up myself in the halloween arena. i want something creative and somewhat original, which is why my lady gaga costume is out the window. (seriously, do you know how many hits i get on this blog for “lady gaga costume?” there are going to be some outraegous ladies out there this year…)

so here i am, anxiously counting down the days (like i do every october), and realizing i have too many ideas, but nothing that excites me like the carrie costume:

scary carrie, 2008

or the britney costume:

pregnant britney, 2006

i’ve got a lot of fake blood left over from last year, and i’m leaning toward freddy krueger just to scare the crap out of my friends the whole night. but i also wouldn’t mind using my snuggie (crazy cat lady slash wizard?), carrying my booze in a starbucks’ cup (olsen twin?) or creating an outfit from scratch (the geico money?).

sigh. i hate you, Halloween. almost as much as i love you.

*to the lovely couple: thank you for an awesome party!** i would’ve dressed up, but i didn’t want to steal your thunder. so i wore sassy red shoes and stole jp’s beer instead.

**to everyone else in attendance: lovely to meet you, but i’m far too lazy to link to all 50 of you. you were all fabulous, and i’m looking forward to future weddings, birthdays and celebrations

it was brought to my attention today that people keep tabs on me by the color of my hair. apparently, i change it pretty frequently.

on that note, my (extremely expensive) highlights are growing out and i’ve got myself a halo of dirty dishwater blonde. about this time of year, i go darker, but i’m thinking of staying blonde this winter (mostly because it pains me to throw away the 8 zillion dollars i spent just three months ago). anybody have tips on how to cheaply rectify the roots situation? i’ve blown my budget out of the water and i have absolutely NO way of spending $100+ on my hair right now.

ladies, i’m talking to you. box-dye highlights? john frieda blonde shampoo? what should i do?

the grass is greener in california. the sky is bluer, the sun is brighter, the mac and cheese is cheesier, the people are happier, the activities are morer (copyright: me*). all i really need to say is — my vacation was fabulous, and i want to go back.

in no particular order, this is what i did:
spent time with some of my favorite college friends.
reminisced a LOT with said college friends.
ate sushi.
almost got kicked out of a bar for taking my shoes off.
went to conan and chelsea.
rewatched and tried to find myself on both conan and chelsea.
drank beer.
drank wine.
drank sake.
drank champagne.
drank tequila. at disneyland.
got lost looking for an entrance to a secret in-n-out.
finally ate in-n-out (animal style, with a neopolitan shake**)
drove in tons of LA traffic.
navigated LA traffic without a map.
almost left my mom on the side of an LA freeway because she was driving me crazy.
took a ferry to coronodo island.
saw the grey’s anatomy set.
went to a 21-and-older movie theater and drank blue moon.
didn’t exercise.
didn’t think about work.
there’s more.
but i think this list is too long.
and no one even reads lists.

*actually, copyright urban dictionary. who knew?
** you are welcome.

con: i’m still on vacation mode.

my brain’s kind of fuzzy and i’m still on pacific time. i’m also picturing a beer in my hands instead of a computer but that’s beside the point.

someone, motivate me.

how do i get back in the groove of every day life? do i just nut up and go to the gym? or do i milk this lazy-lethargic-and-jetlagged feeling for another week? i *do* have a lot of tv to catch up on.

on another note, i saw a chihuahua with greyhound legs the other day. it was super disturbing and it looked like this*:

creepy huh? its legs were like twigs just begging to be snapped in half.

*this image isn’t exactly literal. it was also wearing a red hoodie.

yeah, yeah, i hate october. wah, wah, wah.

but this year, i’ve been counting down the days because tomorrow… I’M GOING TO CALIFORNIA!!

hello, sunshine, celebrities* and cool ocean breeze. mommy’s missed you.

*i’ll be in the audience for both chelsea lately and the tonight show with conan o’brien. and!!! kristen bell, my very favorite, will be a guest on conan one of the days i have tickets (Oct. 6, Maxie – watch it…)!!! it’s 50-50 whether i’ll be able to attend that day, but since i’m kind of a psycho celeb stalker**, i at least know she’ll be in town while i’m there…

**and by stalker, i mean, I’m not. please don’t get a restraining order. (because i know kristen and her agent totally read this.)

the gaga concert was fantastic. and sequiny. it made me want to drop everything and become a fun-loving, international pop star. except i lack the necessary singing/dancing/entertaining skills and the interesting yet tragic back story. so maybe i’ll just drop everything and go shopping at forever 21 for metallic leggings and feathery headbands.

but i don’t get to go shopping. because i’m brokety, broke, broke. so the shine in my life must come from cheaper alternatives.

enter home-brewed coffee with a dash of pumpkin pie spice to replace my much-anticipated fall favorite bevvy at starbucks. a library card to fuel my literary genius side. home manicures instead of fancy pampering sessions. ratty highlights with a solid three inches of dirty blonde roots. three-buck chuck in the comfort of my home vs. $45 bottles at fancy restaurants. cup o noodle and saltines for lunch.

all of these changes to my routine — all these sacrifices — and i’m still doing the paycheck-to-paycheck dance.

ah, the life of luxury and glitter.  why must you be so alluring, yet so impossible to achieve?

you should know by now that i’m a teenage girl at heart.

therefore, it should be no surprise to you that i’m going to the lady gaga concert tonight and i’m SUPER STOKED!!!

now, let me just be a snooty music fan for a minute and point out that i’ve liked lady gaga since before it was cool to like lady gaga. i liked her when she had dark hair and the castlemonkey thought she was hot. i actually have vintage gaga in heavy rotation on my ipod, and i’ve been considering a gaga halloween costume since march (mostly because i don’t like wearing pants, but that’s beside the point).

but it wasn’t until her mtv movie awards performance that i got really excited to see her — she’s crazy and she’s nuts and it’s going to be fabulous show.

now watch her do the dirty dirty with hottie vampire eric and be excited with me: